Wednesday, May 27, 2009

TWW-dreary, timid, embrace

alchemy

a timid hug
will not suffice

embrace
the dreary day

squeeze
dark clouds ‘til

a lemon drop
pops out,

or better yet,
a golden coin,

spend it wisely




Posted by at

11 comments:

  1. Thom GabrukiewiczMay 27, 2009 at 5:17 PM

    I like how this built, liked the way you go from lemon drops to gold coins.

    I did get bogged down a bit reading the last two stanzas. Might I suggest:

    "Or better yet,
    a golden coin"

    Spend it wisely.

    See what you think.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kristy WordenMay 27, 2009 at 5:33 PM

    Yippee! Thanks Thom! Done!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Voices of NLDMay 27, 2009 at 6:39 PM

    I like the wording and the sentiment. The picture is lovely

    ReplyDelete
  4. gautami tripathyMay 27, 2009 at 9:19 PM

    I want that golden coin!

    :D

    timid embrace forces out dreary thoughts

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMay 27, 2009 at 9:51 PM

    a lovely twist on carpe diem! LOVED this! -Meg

    ReplyDelete
  6. JeevesMay 28, 2009 at 12:21 AM

    Alchemy indeed. Nice one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. anthonynorthMay 28, 2009 at 4:45 AM

    Loved the way you incorporated the alchemical quest in this - a touch of both the philosophers' stone AND the elixir of life.

    ReplyDelete
  8. PJDMay 28, 2009 at 11:32 AM

    Wish I'd seen the original before Thom's suggestion. In any case, I love this, especially the "pops out." It's just such a perky phrase that it makes the whole thing just right.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Andy SewinaMay 28, 2009 at 7:49 PM

    Yeah, Alchemy... if only!!
    Nicely!

    ReplyDelete
  10. LucyMay 29, 2009 at 8:18 PM

    'a lemon drop pops out' so quirky and cute

    ReplyDelete
  11. julie kingMay 29, 2009 at 9:25 PM

    this is exactly the way i feel about a wonderful golden sunset! you have a wonderful way with words!

    ReplyDelete

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